And finally, we land. It took 6 hours to drive here to the Finnish Church in south London from Barton Upon-Humber in North Lincolnshire. But we made it, squeezed under the drawbridge of capital city rush hour with time to spare to sit and write this reflective passage. Well some of it poured out this morning in fact, in my morning pages…
Something clicked last night (in Barton) and I can do this. SOUNDTRACK HERE
It was such a fantastic concert. The audience was small but each person roared loudly and counted for 2 or 3 more persons! I felt so supported, so well held my Gustaf’s deep musicality and deeper heart. I love playing music with others, I love the push and pull and thrill of live improvisation and collaboration.
Back to today’s morning pages …
I can enjoy paying and let myself dream during songs on stage, I can reach for something that is simultaneously both deeper and lighter
There’s a new day waiting for me every day, together we create sounds larger than the sum of their parts
When I’m in Japan, folks often mis-hear and mistake my introducing myself as a musician for a ‘magician’ – well maybe I am a magician after alll! Ha ha.
What was I doing with indecision?
Where was the conviction in the night
Had I become stunted by the night
Was I waiting for someone to tell me
Everything was going to be alright?
Instead we bounce through the theatre our hands eager for the fight yet our bodies crumpling under the pressure all these moments all these nights the river hardly even slowed down as the water rushing came and every person I had let down slowly slipped into view
I am turning this on its head
I am not beholden to you
I am circling in a fountain that escalates and every frustrated little idea dissipates,
Nd burns a hole in the page as I break my vow of silence
Time to soundcheck so I’ll sign off, I can hear the constant stream of traffic from the large A roads that surround this little spritual oasis of the Finnish Church, it reminds me of that Richmond Fontaine album title – we used to think the freeway sounded like a river (Spotify Link to album below) Any church that also houses a sauna gets my blessing! What a cool place, can I let myself relax into this space? stretch, sing express as my inner artist always desires?. Will this caffeine from the drive reside enough to give me the heart space I need to embrace this event. I wish for this for everyone that has bought a ticket, for Katie, for myself, and especially tonight, the final night on stage with my friend Gustaf before he takes to the skies, for him mere hours from now.
So I’ll go get tuned up, and then do some pre gig yoga and hopefully on that second attempt I’ll arrive here, properly this time
Blessings,
Dan
photo: Paul Ward